Don’t spend your youth in the misguided quest for the perfect life partners. The magical moment when your eyes meet across the room, birds sing and flowers fall from the heavens? It’s not going to happen sister.
Neither will you ‘kundlis’ miraculously sync. Nor will mummy-papa welcome him instantly as their long lost son. Nor will his bank balance have all the zeros you need. Neither will some Adonis emerge from Mount Zeus on his Pegasus and sweep you into his abode in the Rivera. Bullshit.
What you will get, is a work-in-progress piece. Someone who’s rougher around the edges than you cared for. Basically a tweaking requiring mumma’s darling who has absolutely no freaking clue about anything.
I found my soulmate, best friend and favourite enemy when we were doing our MBA together.
He was one year senior. Strong and silent image. The nice guy, reliable, everyone’s go-to guy. Oh, and did I mention the 6 pack abs? Yes, I’m very shallow that way…..
I complimented him on his shoes( I’m not shy anyway), we hung out a bit. (If you run into me sometime ask me for the juicy bits I left out here). And soon we were dating.
I was in love. But no fool.
“Life doesn’t get by on love and fresh air baby, if you don’t get placed and get a good job, we will have to…..”
Brutally honest. But I still marvel at myself for having such clarity at 22. If you know me, you’ll know me as an emotional fool now.
He landed the job and shortly afterwards met my mom.
After I started working, my dad was let in on the secret.
A super nervous Apar asked me,” What will I even talk about? What will I say? What will he ask? What will I wear?”
“Same as dad, light blue shirt, grey slacks. Vikram(my brother) will also be there. Chill. He will love you.”
Ofcourse dad loved him. Six months later the roka, another 6 we got engaged and another 6 we were married. Boom.
In case you’ve ever been confused. There is a HUGE difference between a boyfriend and a husband. Who was this guy even? Woah!! And what is this ‘responsibilities as a bahu/wife’ nonsense?
We went through the usual adjustments, mad-ass arguments, fights, cold wars, the word divorce became secondary vocabulary.
Then little A came along.
AP stayed up nights and fed him so I could get sleep. He doted over my little sunshine, loved him like only a mother could. But he never acted like an absentee or burdened dad. He got spit-up all over him and was cool. Every time I got frustrated, he gave me time off. Encouraged me to go back to work, even if it was part time. He still wakes up every morning to get A ready for school and let’s me sleep in. In my world, he’s the perfect father.
He’s a great son and son-in-law. He’s never given me the opportunity to complain about spending less time with my parents. He shares a fun, jibe-making relationship with my mom and a relationship of more than a son with my dad. His parents dote over him. Both our siblings love him. All the family can’t get over “Mr Amazing”.
Then what’s my problem???
Ok, let’s be fair. He was a fabulous boyfriend. He is a great dad, brother, son, son in law, grandson, nephew and whatever else.
But as a husband, I feel I’ve lost perspective and patience. He’s lost his touch. Marriages require so much work. They require you to be greatful, reinvent, renew. And as we grow into a relationship we become complacent and comfortable. And becoming comfortable is the worst thing to do.
I have to admit. I lucked out. He’s patient, understanding, has never held me back. He supports my opinions and respects most of my decisions.
(He pisses me off. Leaves his wet towel on the bed. Doesn’t do ANY of my work without a million reminders. Then calls me a nag. So frustrating. He never gets me flowers. He basically knows how to annoy me and does it very well.)
He’s unafraid to tell me when I’m wrong. And unafraid to show some tough love when I need it.
He’s a sounding board for my ideas and will hear me out, no matter how outlandish and absurd they get. He will listen to my rants without reacting, then offer sane advice.
Before this post gets sickly sweet, and gives us all diabetes, what I want to say is that instead of trying to find Mr Perfect, I found Mr Right-for-me.
If you’re single, don’t give into peer pressure and date the so called right textbook guys. Make your mistakes. Gather the experience and find Mr Right.
If you’ve already landed your Mr Right, take a step back. You married him for some reason. Just remind yourself of those, and you might surprise yourself. He’s not that terrible, is he?
AP: I’m glad your shoes got us to talk, and life took us down this path. Now, next time you pick a fight, remember this loving blog I wrote for you.
Priyanka: One million points.
AP: Maybe 15.