The Delhi Devil : Part Un

 

Life is thankfully back to normal. Vacations are long over….phew.

But does Delhi ever rest?

Instagram and Facebook never sleep.

Social media is my best friend and worst enemy. What else would I read on the pot no? You all do it, I just say it.

So in all the entertaining pictures, Facebook updates, location tags and check-ins, I’ve found the reason why I would never leave social media!

After all, where else would I find the weird and wonderful animal that inhabits the social space on our phones and laptops? Who would fill the void? What would I do with all my free time?

Here’s a short break-up of the best of the best of the best:

On Vacation : Pinky went to London. Pinky checked in at IGI, mid-air and Heathrow. Pinky checked into the Dorchester, even though she was staying in an air bnb with washer-dryer and mini kitchen( but that’s between Pinky and hubby, ok?). Pinky made a pilgrimage to all the spots her friends told her, from Hakkasan to Sexy Fish, because she needed to go back home and tell her friends that she can too. Pinky also posted hourly pictures on instagram (it’s more private naa babe), because how else would we know that she’s carried 10 pairs of shoes for a 7 day vacation and bought a new bag!!! Oh come on! You really were born yesterday, no?

Party-Animal: Sweety has a huge social circle. She does couples night, girls night,   family night, cousins night, school friends night, college friends night…..are there any nights left? And you know where she is, because Facebook is updated with every ‘crazy’ night she’s had. Every. Damned. Day.

Kitty Aunty: Bunny is the busiest of them all. She has cooking kitty, cards kitty, couples kitty, neighbours kitty, tambola kitty, dandiya kitty, teen patti kitty and a religious kitty thrown in for good measure. And they all have names, because “kitty” is so yesterday. They are social groups and meetings. Just so no one questions where papa-ji’s money is going. Bunny is making good use of her time ok? Haters……

Mother India: She’s taking care of her children tirelessly. Drives them around everywhere. Her ailing in laws live with her, so she’s also perpetually on a hospital run. Often identified by a frazzled look, bottega bag, diamond earrings, always on the phone. Once she starts talking, she will be done only when she’s told you every tragedy that’s befallen her and mummy-ji. She know mom’s side, dad’s side, in-laws side, your side, all possible relatives, and all their stories. Ear plugs complimentary.

Body Buff: She’s running at 5 am, in the gym at 7 am, personal training at 9 am, quick massage at 11am. Carbs only for lunch. 5pm is yoga, 7pm is a long walk with the girls. Dinner is only salad and proteins. HDL is high, LDL is low, and what Tri glycerides? You seriously want to eat chocolate?

Exhibition hunter: Where? Hyatt at 12, tomorrow? Me and Sandeep aunty will be there beta. Pinky’s sister in law’s cousin has a stall at London market selling ‘designer’ bags from China? She will be there.

DeBo Chick: Organic clothing (but only designer), chunky silver jewellery, kohlapuris, a little too much kajal….know her too right? Because one should never leave one’s roots. And when one does dress up DeBo, don’t stop till you’ve tried too hard. Totally authentic Indian looking babe. Reminiscent of butter chicken sliders…. giving a WTH feeling , with a fuzz of familiarity.

Parlour Pest: Kitty just loves the beauty salon! Permanently blow dried hair, perfect manicure, hairless and glowing skin. Has to be porcelain perfection because she’s spending half her salary and every lunch break there. Beauty doesn’t take a break.

Cine Blitz: You know she knows what you know but you won’t say you know because you think she knows that you know she knows. Comprende? She knows before it’s happened. A faster-than-light relay of information on everyones life and powers to know what Kitty’s husband said to Pinky’s husband about Sweety’s derriere …..hawwwwwww.

Wonder Woman: *eye roll ensues* She’s got her shit under control. With her picket fence house, perfect children, jet-setting career and arm candy husband. She must be on cocaine. Witch. Black magic even.

 

And all the other vanilla in-betweeners we know, find your own shade of weird!

Reality is so much stranger than fiction…much like your wardrobe…

What would I possibly do without so much action in my cyber life!?

Thank you Delhi Aunties/Babes or whatever the heck you think you are, for making my life (or pot life) a little happier and a lot more entertained.

 

 

BTW: Part Deux is on its way to explore the Desi boyzzzz. Muhuhahahahaha.

Oh, and also, remember my motto: You (just) thought it, I said it!!

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